Mood off, switch off

1..2..3..
Oh, it’s 11:00 P.M., feels like 3 A.M.. Last week has not treated me well or maybe I haven’t treated it well.

11:14, tsk tsk, I have to send a snap so that I don’t break my intimate snapstreak with people who I haven’t exchanged a word with in a long time.

It’s been long, I throw a mint in my mouth, been binge watching some internet stuff to bring my mind into analysing things. This year has been great or maybe not so great. I haven’t enjoyed a good coffee in a long time. I have developed a mind more than taste for healthy eating, not to mention the severe change in my health workout routine.

Sip after sip, why is my coffee so normal, why does it not take me into a trance anymore. Probably it’s the brand but it’s Zeta!

Why does my self esteem suffer when I watch a lot of unnecessary content. One of the biggest indicators of experiencing low self esteem mishap as I like to call it, is when we fit ourselves into thoughts of others.

Again ! Have I been doing this all through puberty ? First it was Y and now it is someone else, can it not be just me narcistically obsessing over self rather than writing blogs inspired by them.

Life has changed, quite a bit. The set of people who affected me has changed in the last one year. People who were my top priority are now just people who I share a great bond as friendship with but I wonder about sharing pieces of silly information about my new obsessions now.

More focus on building good relations and keeping the priority inside of us 2, is where I’m at. I have fucked up a lot of relations which I probably shouldn’t have been in, in the first place.

Mind is a weird place, like a game which acts weird with the input-output-product.

For a long time in my childhood, the first few years, I have experienced a lot of criticism from my own parents, relatives, but real shit started to show up later as after effects. For a long time I struggled to make heartfelt connections, it was just me connecting with someone who was sharing similarities.

It’s been four years, I have done kaands of level badshah, which reminds me that I should plug in my earphones and play my track.

Time has never been wasted like this. I remember being an unsophisticated and unplanned kid at school who used to pass days just like that. I see a difference now, I am not going to school anymore.

Playing a track which can take me into a teary mood – Hua hai aaj pehli baar. Oh my first relationship, I miss him so much but guess what, we haven’t met eyes in years the way we used to.

Mint in my mouth is on the verge of subliming into my saliva. Just an update.

coffee-vsharmilee-wikicommons

South indian coffees have the best flavour. Just sayin.

No perfect mindset exists, it’s just that light reflects on mirrors, darkness doesn’t. It doesn’t shine, it doesn’t make noise.

Meri duniya tu banja re…., Oh these lyrics still bring to me sweet memories.

With the political situation in our country, I feel it’s a mark of change in all our lives.

Thinker. Calender pages with an unkempt old man on coverpage waving in air are going in rhythm with the flow of music.

What life am I gonna make.. let me get a set of good reads which can direct my mind into some solid game. Lets’s see where life is taking us.

Main duniya bhar ki taareefein tere sajde mein laya hun, main tumse ishq karne ki ijazat rab se laya hun.

Moon down at stars.. my Gosh how poetic and metaphoric I am. Switching up my game.

Why am I so stupid sometimes ???? Let’s find out in our version 2.0 of this blogpost. Story no.1

This world is a not so nice place to let your naked self out with its most intimate thoughts and feelings…
It’s a much lonelier and suffocating mental situation to be in when you share some of your darkest personal experiences.

Take a break.. breathe.. stop trying to fit in stop trying to build a good personal rapport with everyone you come across.

We have battles no one knows about, only the light shines, darkness prevails in the void only.
Life is much more intricate journey to row through than be with a fixed set of people.

I am getting close to my emotions and mental sides which I’ve been far from lately. Hug your mind and & heart for making all the right choices and forgive them for going through traumas to be in a place to make wrong choices. Close your lips, and lover yourself beautiful butterfly !
Leave the bullshit mind games you’ve been playing. Just don’t. Take a step forward from these stupid tricks and take a step down from your ego. Expressions and impressions are both important for a healthy working mind. It’s ok to feel insecure at times, it shows you value that thing, situation or person.
You’ve come through a lot to be in the place.

Close your eyes and fold your ego and throw it in the trash can and love yourself and all with all you’ve got inside of your beautiful and gorgeous heart. Just be… like gorgeous angels from heaven came to caress you on your cheek at night while you had the most relaxing slumber.

There are gonna be times when the clock’d be struck at 12:00 A.M. , all would be asleep , and you’d have given up on yourself and would want to cry all aloud and you’d be listening to music on full blast like sooraj dooba hai and be stuffing cake in your mouth when you’d receive a snap from your close hearted special who you’ ve been not able to hug lately and then suddenly you’d burst into laughter wondering what ifs, then stonking more cake and going through the balcony and looking in the mirror and break you body into rhytm mad dance moves jumping and pouncing as an elf, and you’d get over others, all jealousies.

And you’d wonder how great DID’s contestant you are as dancer… get an audition !!!

Don’t make it so dramatic… take it lightly… don’t worry king queen šŸ™‚ ā¤ I love you… ugh so cheesy to say for oneself… but my biggest heart throb the sexiest… I love you the hardest and you are not leaving me anytime. My best best best personal constant. Never really giving up on you, king queen.

“Thehrna bhi aur hawa ke jhoke ki tarah udna bhi”
Subtle

~ Nidhi

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